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Another Night, another Rant, & A special Flarfian Offer
October 26th, 2000 - 3 amI'm Currently Avoiding:
So here it is...another night, another procrastination, another rant. I think maybe I'm getting the hang of this, "Only update once a day thing..." (and then along comes the weekend and it's right back to 3 rants a day, the daily recommended amount for a healthy diet, and I was trying to lose weight too!) Anyway, I'm pretty much over the cold...(as if anyone asked!) and so there will be no more rants like This one for awhile. I know, a cheap trick to link another one of my diary entries to my current one, but I really liked the incredible randomness of that rant. It's almost unequalled in my career...as if I make a career out of ranting? Well, you Can...it's called religious fanatic/madman, but I really don't aspire to that post. There's too much competition as it is. Sooo....what
did I find interesting about today? (I told you I was going to do random paragraph seperation more frequently...and if you don't like it....take it up with Fred!) I don't know...hmmm...there were these bizarre people dancing in the cafeteria today. There wasn't any music or anything, they were just doing spins and turns, you know, ballroom dancing kind of stuff, in the middle of the cafeteria where everyone could watch them and stare at them like the incredible freaks they are. Now we move on to probable or improbable scenarios as to why these people could possibly want to dance in a cafeteria all by themselves without any music at all:
These people were hallucinating. They thought they were people from the 19th century who were attending a ball, and of course, the cafeteria just "happened" to be the ballroom, even though its cluttered with tables and chairs and cafeteria stuff, and there isn't really room to do it.
These people are street performers, only they for some bizarre reason thought it was too cold on a 70-degree day to dance outside, where everyone could stare at them like the freaks they are and give them money for degrading themselves in public. They also were given money to give the people in the cafeteria a "special" performance, just b/c I wanted to go eat dinner quickly and in peace for just ONE BLOODY DAY....and of course, they just Had to disrupt that. It isn't allowed for me to have a peaceful lunch for one day...and how come the stupid people in the cafeteria never have 12 grain bread? Is a healthy sandwich too much to ask from the people who bring us such culinary delights as not-well-done meat, frozen pies and cakes that shouldn't be frozen, and dry vegetables? I guess so...I mean, they even manage to screw up chocolate, so it shouldn't be any problem for them to screw-up pre-packaged bread. Piece of (frozen) cake! I wish my printer would quit being a bitch and printing everything crooked. Anyone got any ideas? Would anyone answer me even if you Did have ideas? What if they were random ideas not associated with cake, cafeteria food, or a printer? Would you still share them then? Would you share them in any scenario you can think of? Would you like them broadcast to the world through this diary? (No, I doubt it, I said NO damn you!, See previous answer bitch, Only if you died promptly after you were told my idea, then maybe, and absolutely not...unless I can get a book deal and a made-for-TV movie out of it, and in that order!)
We again pause for a short message from our sponsor: "Music is the spice of life(Wasn't that supposed to be variety?...oh well, no one cares or will know the difference anyway)...and if you like spicy music, you'll love..."Cooking with Ricky Martin...the unedited nude version" Rated X for the Deicider_X movement, 'Great Googaly Moogaly, you damn skippy!'...available only in Verlaxian, and only to those living in the Inner Realm of Madness, between The Outer Edge of Sanity, Flarf, and Bitchville. Outlawed in all other 53 galaxies. If interested, please send $50 to "Flarfian Pyramid Scheme c/o Soft Cell 5901-4245690 Flarfian Drive, Bitchville, Idaho Resinkltoinesths" And now, back to our regularly scheduled diary:
...so I told him...Oh, sorry. I was talking to our publicity manager, god. He says no more broadcasting on the Trinity Network...they're starting to get pissed by our content. I say paper monkeys don't care, why should they? Anyway...Tainted Love will now be shown on channels 2-7903 continously for the next 385 hours. Enjoy! (Muwahahaha....you will all go mad...MAD I say!)
*Editor's note: Flarfian edited for content. And computers suck when they don't do what I want them to!
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And I like it that way.