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K-MARX, the new canadian revolution

2001-05-21 - 5:57 p.m.

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Odelay, ariba la raza, eh? Well, well, well! Have no fear, Chad F'n Ewers is here! Well, maybe you should have fear, depends on how you see things. First of all, maybe I should introduce myself, well, actually that should be re-introduce myself, as I've made an appearance here before. I can also be remembered for my involvement in the Montreal incident with Vince McMahon, because as much as I love Canada, I hate Bret Hart even more and think he should be deported from Canada entirely or maybe worse things and for those that dont remember that, I can also be remembered from The Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out with Troy McClure as Some Strange Person #42 and that certainly was my breakout role, if I do say so myself. I started out by saying that I was Chad F'n Ewers, this is incorrect, I just did it to lure you into feeling comfortable with the familiarity. Some time ago, I officially changed my name to Chad F'n Ewerez to show solidarity to my anti-american brothers to far south, it also gave me the credibility I needed to found my new socio-political group known as the Kanadian-Mexican Anti-American Rebel Xtremists or K-MARX for short, some of who you'll meet later, you definately have to meet Tank Costello, he isnt exactly the brightest bulb, but from time to time he accidentally comes up with great ideas, such as how he came up with the name and thought Xtreme was spelled with an X and Canada with a K but he means well, hes just a stupid american, kind of like karl from Sling Blade. I went with it because things that are misspelled seem to pull in the kids and we're always looking for new acolytes. Hell, we might even be able to recruit some stupid american to do our bidding for us because they think it says K-Mart...stupid americans. Our next PR move will be great and it will definately pull in some new members, but we cant discuss that right now, its still in talks, not thats its an extended sit down interview with Impact Press or anything, I meant in talks as in trying to secure it, whatever it may be and its definately not an extended sit down interview with Impact Press, thats for sure.

So, what am I doing here you ask? Well, you would ask that, wouldnt you. Simpleton. Never really go for any deeper thoughts, do you? Oh well, it only figures. Saturday May 12th, I was traveling back to Canada after meeting people in Florida and had a layover in Atlanta, I was then going to fly into Chicago and end up where I am, right now, somewhere in beautiful Canada. Somehow, my plans didnt exactly turn out the way I wanted. I boarded the plane, with other members of K-MARX, the plane took off, nothing out of the ordinary happened, then in mid-air, out of no where, this young lady pointed at me and said "Hey, its you!", so, of course, not having any idea what she was up to or who she was and having the potential to turn me into authorities, since she apparently knew of me, maybe I was on Americas Most Wanted or something, I didnt know. Anyway, I do the thing that makes the most sense at the time, I put her in a half hammer-lock, half chin-lock and drag her into the bathroom. I tried to get information out of her, but she played dumb, very well I might add, I *had* to pistol whip her.

I heard noise outside the bathroom, loud noise, it sounded like shooting and general fighting and breaking of things. I opened the door and looked out, it wasnt pretty. While I was in the bathroom, all hell had broken loose. Apparently, according to my associates, everyone on the plane was on to us, because everyone kept making comments that seemed a little too ominous, so they used the training I had given them and highjacked the plane, since everyone, including the pilot, knew who and what we were. We definitely couldnt land in Chicago now, since there had to be some form of american authorities there that would meet us and take us into custody. So, after shooting the pilot in the head, for trying to grab my gun, I re-routed our trip to Minneapolis, it was closer to where we were headed anyway and we had enough fuel left to get us to Minneapolis.

I had the normal Authoress of this here thing you're reading, who from here on out, will be refered to as Kioq, sit back down at her seat, after having drug her all over the plane at this point, trying to secure everything and restore order, I noticed something at this point, she had a laptop computer, that she had been typing in, I told her to keep typing in it and write about this experience as if nothing had happened that wasnt supposed to happen and make note of the fact that she was alive and well and nothing out of the ordinary happened, atleast not being kidnapped and highjacked. Which Kioq did here. But then she had to go and throw in referances to planes being highjacked by making an entry about Con-Air, she was obviously contacting the authorities or trying to and that wont be condoned. Oh, and you could obviously see she was subtley telling the world what was happening in her last entry.

Kioq knew what she was doing, she had to of, that would be the only reason that my arch enemy Steven "Octopus" Norris, currently of the NSA has tracked me down. He was originally with the FBI, until he got too out of hand with his open hatred for me, so they moved him to the CIA, since they're more under cover and have a better clean up crew, but even then, they had to move him to a move secretive level with better ways of covering their tracks. The american government is watching you all and they know what you do! Im not even sure how I ended up on a wanted list inside the FBI branch. Now, as I've just learned, I've also been listed in a wanted list being handed out to the CSRC, so, you see, the american government wants to destroy me by any means necessary, enlisting all of their secret underground armies to try and bring me down.

Computer Security Resource Center, my ass. None of this has anything to do with computers or security, just old fashion killing and covering up of innocent men, such as me. But they wont get me, they arent always going to get their man, their odds have come up and it isnt good for them. The octopus can have all the grudges he wants against me, turn all the secret government agencies against me he wants, but he'll never win, I'll always be one step ahead of him.

I have to sign off now, We're under heavy fire, I'll be back later!

Chad F'n Ewerez

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