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I'm Feeling Bitchy Today.
April 15th, 2001 - It was more like 8:30 am when II'm Currently Avoiding:
Again with this really early in the morning updating thing. At least this time I slept (and how). Maybe I am a cat after all. Sometimes, anyway. So yeah, today,
April 15 is ....... Rubber Eraser Day (Ummm...okay. I don't particularly feel like celebrating rubber erasers, ever, but I guess there's just no accounting for some people's tastes. And no, I don't mean Some People, just some people. Damn, why does that always have to spring to mind? People should realize that when I say some people I don't always mean Some People.)
Yeah, so what did I have to say? Oh yeah. The entire reason for this entry is so I can bitch about a few movies I've despised lately. And they happen to be related too! What an amazing coincidence. First of all, there's The Land of Faraway, which I couldn't even sit all the way through. I had to leave the room after about an hour in order to preserve and protect my brain from either exploding or turning into ooze and leaking out of my head. The other movie, Velvet Goldmine, I actually sat through without losing my mind, but it was a very near thing, and I still can't really make any sense out of the point of the movie. I'm not sure it even had one. And the connection between these two movies? Christian Bale. He isn't really that bad, in fact, his performance might've been the best in both movies, but the fact of the matter is that both of these movies are terrible. I don't see how they got the comments they did (except maybe the one for Velvet Goldmine about the colors). Well, after reading more of Velvet Goldmine's comments, a lot of people think this movie was crap, which is nice. But every comment for The Land of Faraway was positive. I don't know how that can be so. They must've watched this movie while on crack or something. Reasons why The Land of Faraway is annoying:
1. Once you get To the Land of Faraway (hereafter known as LoF to save me some typing), everything is WHITE. White King, in White robes, standing against the really White wall of his entirely White Castle, oh yeah, and give the kid a White Horse too, would you? Oh...and the woman who's essentially responsible for him getting to LoF looks like an angel...white clothes and long golden blond hair...cliché anyone?
2. Names are really really stupid. Maybe this is just because it's a foreign film (originally in Russian apparently), but geez...Yum Yum? It sounds more like the name of a brand of kitty treats or something rather than the name of a person.
3. Bosser (who later gets his name changed to Mio by the King) gets to LoF in the most ridiculous fashion I've ever seen. While he's wandering around after putting a postcard in the mail for the angel woman, he decides to sit down and eat the apple she's given him. The apple turns to gold, falls to the ground, and hits this bottle. The green glass bottle then gets all weird, so of course the kid picks it up and opens it. And then comes the strange part. Out of the bottle comes the head of an old man. Not the whole body, not the head plus some smoke, just this Gigantic head. The Gigantic head then asks Bosser what he'd like for freeing him. He says, "Please take me with you to LoF." GH (Gigantic head) refuses, saying he can do anything other than that. The golden apple suddenly, of it's own volition rolls back to Bosser. Suddenly, GH realizes that this boy is the one he's been looking for (how he's been looking for this kid while trapped inside a bottle, I have no idea), and he tells the kid to grab onto his patented gigantic beard, and away they go. I have many problems with this. First of all, no one's going to be able to hold onto a gigantic beard for that long. The kid would've fallen off when he passed out due to lack of oxygen when they hit outer space. Secondly, they fly over the city and not one person notices GH? I think not. And finally, they fly through OUTER SPACE to get to LoF. They pass some yellow blobs and some blue blob thingys and finally fly into this circular white cloud, and there is LoF. None of this makes sense.
4. I didn't watch too much more of this, since my brain was about to explode at this point, but I still have 3 more things which irritated me. Okay, after the kid's been there for like 2 days, he decides he wants to go wander around the country, and the King, who hasn't seen his kid in 9 years and supposedly missed his son dearly, just lets him go. Ummm....if he really loved his kid that much, and hadn't seen him in that long, would he have *really* let him go? I don't think so!
5. The Evil Knight Kato (or Cato or I don't know...relation to Kato Kaelin?) is apparently the bad guy. He basically terrorizes people on the other side of the bridge (we'll get to the bridge shortly). Anyway...every Single time his name is mentioned, something happens. A cloud passes over the sky, a sudden wind comes up and bangs the gates, sudden lightning/storm, basically every stupid trick you can think of. It's okay, if you only mention his name a couple times, but when you do it every 5 seconds, it gets a little irritating.
6. So they ride for awhile (Mio brings Yum Yum along), and then they come to The Bridge. It's "the longest bridge in the world", and every night, the two guards crank up the bridge, like it's a drawbridge of some sort, so the people on the island can sleep safely. The only problem with this is the bridge is made out of STONE. It doesn't look very moveable to me...and there's no one on the other side either. If they were going to make a bridge which was supposed to move every night, couldn't they at least make one that looks like it moves?
7. Finally, No One lives in the freaking castle. Or on the island. The only people you ever see on the entire island is The King (who doesn't have a name apparently), Mio, Yum Yum (who's supposedly the gardener's son, although the gardener's never seen), and those two guards on the bridge. I'm sorry, but most castles I've ever heard of have guards and people in them.
Grub Street (n. RUB-a-dub-dub)
: the world or category of needy literary hacks
The original Grub Street was an address in London (it was renamed Milton Street in 1830) described by Dr. Samuel Johnson in his _Dictionary of the English Language_ as "much inhabited by writers of small histories, dictionaries, and temporary poems." The term was applied figuratively to the dog-eat-dog world of pens-for-hire as early as 1630, and the allusion still packed a punch in 1891 when novelist George Gissing chose _New Grub Street_ as the title of his realistic novel about intrigues of the Victorian literary world. That novel contrasts the career of Edwin Reardon, a gifted but impoverished author of proven literary merit, with that of Jasper Milvian, a materially successful hack.
Okay, I think I've bitched enough now. I could've said more about Velvet Goldmine, but maybe that's a thing for another day. If I ever remember to that is.
Oh, and Happy Easter, if you believe in that sort of thing.
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