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An Explanation, Conspiracies, and Something Else, No, I don't remember what!

November 2nd, 2000 - 2 pm(more or less)

I'm Currently Avoiding:

Okay....now, I bet everyone's just wondering...."Why hasn't she updated in more than a day?" And the answer is....

And here you thought I was Really going to tell you? How about some possible(but not very probable) scenarios for why I didn't update during the wee hours last night...and the night before that:

1. The aliens took me out for a night out of the galaxy and I didn't get home until 10 am, when I went directly to other things instead of writing for the enjoyment of you voyeurs.

2. There was this grand conspiracy to prevent me from writing my diary entry. First, the Keebler elves kidnapped me and took me to an Amish village to keep me away from technology of any kind. After a long and difficult escape from the Amish cows (you Don't want to know), I was chased down by the Pasta Mob, which is a subsidiary of the Gucci/Vela Conspiracy btw, (not that you Needed to know that), and then captured and taken to their outerspace station for questioning. They finally decided I didn't know anything, or at least not what they Thought I knew(I didn't ask...and I Don't want to know...they'll catch me again!) and deposited me back on Earth again, only they stuck me with the form of one of those big icky flying cockroaches and I had to find Someone who could change me back into me and would do so without squishing me. You have no idea how difficult that is. First of all, you have to find a wizard and/or magician/sorceror...but not only do you have to find one, you have to find one that can either speak cockroach or knows a spell to be able to understand cockroach...but if you go with someone with just a spell, then you have to find a way to TELL them that you're not really a cockroach and they need to do the spell without being able to speak to them! It's not very easy, really. And then you have to get them to do the spell that changes you back into a human being, but first you have to convince them that it's worth their time to do so, as well as convince them that they're doing a good thing and that you aren't really an evil sorceror or something like that. Trust me, it was exhausting...and you wouldn't Believe what I had to go through to get all this done. So when I was finally back in my right shape, I was so bloody exhausted I didn't give a thought to this thing, but just went to sleep.

3. Two words: Flarfian Conspiracy.

4. Three Words: Crepes, France, & Carpeting.

5. Four Words: Kleenex, Randomness, & Ralph Nader.

I believe that should be more than enough improbable scenarios for you people. If not, make up your own! I refuse to do your thinking for you All the time! Most of the time, yes, but not always...you people have to have some thoughts of your own. Or maybe you don't. I guess everyone gets all huffy when I don't post regularly...muwahahahaha! My plan to addict you people to my diary has worked brilliantly! However, the message board was a bad idea, b/c now when I don't write stuff you all nag me to death about when am I going to write another one. Damn backfiring plans. Well, I know this is probably a little shorter than most, but if I don't post something soon, everyone's going to track me down and tie me to a chair and force me to write something. And yes, I may or may not write something tonight in either the evening or the wee hours of the morning...no guarantees. If you want a guarantee...go buy a book you can return after reading and deciding you hate it(Down with Capitalism!! Down with Capitalism!!). Oh yeah, and Someone needs to get off the virtual crack. Ralph Nader didn't visit you, that was a hallucination...oh yeah, and maybe you need to just give in to the propaganda and the brainwashing and just go see Little Nicky. More later...or maybe not...you never know, seeing as how I'm all capricious and all. (Muwahahahaha!!!)



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